russian spoken here.

Verbalizing Needs

Posted in Uncategorized by litingyu on April 8, 2009

I think somewhere between Gracie and my parents, I picked up the art of verbalizing my needs to those around me. From my parents I learned to not be passive-aggressive, just by virtue of how miserable it made the entire family when one of them chooses not to verbalize; from Gracie, it’s pretty much growing thicker skin and practicing being bluntly honest.

These are skills that take time to hone, and it is uncomfortable when you first begin – the normal worries of offending or burdening other people and feelings of embarrassment makes it all the harder to keep pushing. But I do believe that understanding exactly what you need and being able to verbalize it makes your life (and the lives of those around you) that much easier.

Part of it probably has to do with my upbringing: Asians are generally passive-aggressive (or just passive), and from young I was taught to be as unobtrusive as is humanly possible and to keep opinions/complaints to myself. But from the sidelines, watching this silent battle between couples and family members of the Asian community made me realize how much I do not want those kind of relationships in my life: it is simply too tiring and stressful.

Or maybe it’s a gender thing: women usually want men to intuitively KNOW what they want without having to say it. Right ?

….Are they crazy ? Seriously.

Sure, there are certain things that friends intuitively know about one other, but for most things in life,  I expect  S and my best friends to tell me what they want/need, and so on the flip side, I verbalize my needs and desires too. Sometimes it’s hard, and most of the time if feels awkward. But honestly, I think this kind of open communication is vital for keeping relationships healthy.

CYCLE OUT THE NEGATIVES ! It is a challenge to be encouraging,  gentle, AND  firm in rebuking those I love, but I would not expect any less from those who love me.

Are you a person who verbalizes your needs ? Or do you say things in passing and hope people pick up on it ?


2 Responses

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  1. Sue said, on April 12, 2009 at 9:50 AM

    i think you can answer that question for me =P

  2. christine k said, on April 12, 2009 at 4:26 PM

    uhahahahaha that’s a rhetorical question right?

    oh, oh .. okay..


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